People said that apologizing is easy, just two words: “I am sorry”, and either you will be forgiven or not, it is in the hands of the receiver. You are freed from your obligation to ask for forgiveness. But for me, it is really an absurd way of thinking.
There are two types of people, the one is that easily (unsincerely) saying “I am sorry” to your face numerous times and keep doing the same wrongdoings to you, and the one that is having too much pride to even say “I am sorry” to you.
For the first type of people, that rules to say “I am sorry” is the easiest way to do for them. For them, those 2 words are just some random words. For them, that’s a magic words to freed them from any guilty feelings, not your anger. (But of course, it is true your anger will only give you drawbacks, I will write about it on another post).
The truth is, no matter what type of person the one that’s doing wrongdoings to us, what we want from them is not hearing them randomly spouting those 2 words – sometimes, we don’t even need them to said those 2 words for us to forgive them!
So what is it that we want?
To answer this question, we should come back to the root cause of the anger we feel in ourselves. We are imperfect as human, we have some parts that need to be completed either by our interaction with God or other beings (nature or human). When we are interacting with other beings, we are creating trust. In that interaction, sometimes we become the giver and sometimes we become the receiver. And no matter we are in which end, we can do some wrongdoings, by taking too much from the interaction, by not understanding the one at the other end of the interaction, by thinking of only ourselves, etc. And sometimes, we are the one being treated that way.
When we are being treated that way, our trust for them is diminished. We feels betrayed and it becomes anger. Why? because we trust (or have faith in) them that they can help us to make us more complete. We put our hope in them, and we expect to give them our love and receive their love. Now that trust (or faith) is broken, what can we do? What we expect?
If we want to be back in that relationship, we should mend that trust first, we must convince the other side that we are wrong, we understand where we have done the wrong things, and we will changes ourselves – and last but the most important: we should prove it to them!
So don’t expect to say to someone that “I am sorry” – just because you think that’s the word the other side want to hear and you are clean of the all the consequences. It might works like charm for the first or second time. But, Come on, don’t dumbing people down!