Now we already reached the dusk of year 2011. It’s been a year already for me to live and work in Jakarta. A lot of things happen, a lot of story and memories, lots of new friends, acquitances, and some mere people which been liked or disliked.
Last of the year is the best day to reviewing what I have done for all these year, have I grown up? Or just staying the same? Or became even less? A lot of things coming in my mind while I am typing this.
I’ve been never posting on this blog since last March. Since then, I’ve been moving job. Met a lot of friends, learn a lot of things. Yet, I never feel my life has been fulfilled. Is this the life I always wanted? No, I never want to live like this. I never like to live like this, even despise it. But I must acknowledged, while I dream high, I didn’t have the capabilities to reach it yet. There’s just still so much things to learn, so much things to do, yet, my time is limited. I realize, I must manage my time wisely. Even until now, I can’t work this out : “write – do – review : write what you will do, do what you write, and review what you do“. Writing things out is easy, doing it is the hardest part, and reviewing it is even more. I just can’t keep my spirits up to do all of those things. But, I will promise myself to exert this next year!
Now I’ve been working for 6 months in this company, it’s a good company but not the best yet. I do know that if I am searching for the best, I’ll never found one, since there will always be the better one. Before I’ve been reading the story from the CEO of Coca Cola Company about “The life as juggling balls”. After reading this, I do realize that, working like this is never what I wanted and not what’s the best for me. This 6 months while the job is interesting – a lot of things to learn, a lot of experienced gained, a lot of people met, and a lot of respect gained – nevertheless it has been stressful for me. My tendencies toward perfection keep me from living this work simpler. I keep pushing myself to the limits. And now, at the end of the year, at this point, I am asking my self : “Is this the best for me? Is this what I should exert to myself? Will it do any good for me? Do I get what I want or will I get what I want?” Maybe, as truth as the Cocacola’s CEO once said : Work is just a rubber ball, you can always drop it and it will always bounce back. I realize I have a lot of others things to do, I have a lot of others things need to be tended, more than just my professional’s life.
I’ve been planning and separating my life into 8 big stages. I’ve ever reached the stage 2 and fall down to stage 0 because of my stupidity and other’s mistake. As thus, now I am at stage 1. 7 stages to go, will I ever reach the top of it? I wouldn’t tell you what are those stages, but 1 things for sure, even I am doubting myself about those stages which has been made by myself. But, as an old wisdom saying : “Always reach for the star for even if you can’t reach it, you’ll still be on the sky.” It’s so hard to climbing up after you fell down. But, I’ll try to give my best to fulfill what I dream on. And for this one, I’ll not let anyone let me down. I better doing all of the things by myself and trust no other for the things that should just be done by me and myself only.
I need some vacation and get out from all of this routine, so I can refresh my mind and rethink what should I do for my next life. I hope the end of this year will give me good time to think about what should I do for the next of my life.